NO SENSE OF HUMOR..NO ENTRY
Friday, October 28, 2011
LOVE ADVICE
LOVE GURU RONNIE'S PAYONG PAG IBIG: Wag basta maniniwala sa salitang..."Soulmate tayo" dahil kadalasan ito ay masamang espiritu, at alam niyo naman ang masamang espiritu kadalasan ito ay palipat lipat ng masasapian kaya bago ka madala sa salitang soulmate...ipatawas mo muna ang manliligaw mo hehehe
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
MARASARAP NA ALMUSAL TALAGA
Contrary to popular belief, hindi TAPSILOG ang paboritong pagkain ng Pinoy kundi “kanin, tuyo, tinapa, salabat, kamatis.”
In short, KANTUTINSAKAMA.
In short, KANTUTINSAKAMA.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
SERYOSONG PATAWA KA TALAGA!
CELEBRITY JOKES
Erap was singing: “Put your left feet in, then put your left feet out…” Jinggoy: “Dad, dapat foot.” Erap: “Ay oo nga, sori. Foot your left feet in, then foot your left feet out…”
OscarDelaHopia – Pacman: “Nars, gib me samting por my pain!” Nurse: “Okay sir, I’ll give you morphine” Pacman: “No, no! I want less pain, not more pain!”
Jinggoy: “Dad, anong spelling ng ‘success’, dobol S ba?” Erap: “Naku, ewan ko anak, tatluhin mo na, para sigurado!”
Nasusunog yung bahay ni Erap at Loi sa U.S.) Loi: “Tawagan mo yung emrgency number!” Erap: “Teka! Nahanap ko na yung 9, pero di ko mahanap yung 11!”
Erap: “Hindi maganda itong nabili mong sabon, ayaw bumula!” Loi: “Eh bakit naman kasi ayaw mong basain muna?” Erap: “Hello? Nakalagay nga ‘for dry skin’ only!”
Not a joke, but it sounds like one. I saw Alma Moreno being interviewed on TV. Host: “Ano naman ang specialty mo sa pagluluto?” Alma: “Mostly Chinese diseases…”
Erap: “Hon, na-carnap yung kotse natin!” Loi: “Nahabol mo?” Erap: “Hindi, pero nakuha Friend: “Pare, saan ka nanggaling?” Pepe Pimentel: “Sa libing ng biyenan ko.” Friend: “Eh bakit ang dami mong kalmot?” Pepe: “Lumaban eh…”
It’s one, in one.” Manny Pacquiao on the latest deadly virus (H1N1)
During a funeral) Erap: “Anak, bilis, lumabas tayo agad! Wag tayong paiiwan!” Jinggoy: “Bakit po?” Erap: “Ayan o, nakalagay, ‘REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED”.”
A woman comes up to Melanie Marquez and shouts: “Hey bitch!” Melanie shoots back: “Don’t you EVER call me HEY!”
“Noodle! Noodle!” Manny Pacquiao playing “Deal Or No Deal”.
Erap texts Jinggoy the following message: “Anak, naiwan mo cellphone mo dito sa bahay.”
“Hidden Soldiers!” Manny Pacquiaowhen he was asked what’s the world’s number one anti-dandruff shampoo.
Teacher: “What is the scientific name of the female sex organ?” Erap: “I know this…it’s at the tip of my tongue…”
“Toilet! Toilet!” Manny Pacquiao when asked which movie had Edward and Bella as the lead characters.
An exchange of texts between Erap and Loi) Erap: “Pa-pasaload naman ng 2 pesos, kasi last text ko na ‘to, may kailangan lang akong i-text.” (Loi sends 2 pesos) Erap: “Tnx!” Loi: “Wag mo na kong i-text!” Erap: “K!”
Jinggoy: “Dad, pasilip nga kung sira yung signal light.” (Erap puts his head out the window of the car) Erap: “Sira nga! Ay, ayos pala! Ay teka, sira nanaman! Ayan, ayos nanaman…”
Alma: “One burger please!” Waiter: “With pleasure, ma’am.” Alma: “No, with ketchup.”
Reporter: “Anong pasalubong mo kay Jinky?” Manny: “Ibon!” Reporter: “Ha? Anong klase?” Manny: “Mik-ap, lipstik, iba-ibang Ibon products!”
Alma: “Doc, si joey po laging sumisigaw pag nagka-climax siya!” Doc: “O, normal lang yun.” Alma: “Eh, nagigising po ako eh!”
Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng grass skirt si Mahal?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang sipa.”
Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng turtleneck si Bembol Roco?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang roll-on.”
Q: “Anong title nung children’s album na ginawa ng Goo Goo Dolls at ni Lady Gaga?” A: “Goo Goo Gaga.”
Jinggoy: “Dad, bakit ang barko lumulutang sa tubig pero ang karayom lumulubog?” Erap: “Duh! Yung karayom may butas!”
(Alma Moreno called Philippine Airlines) Alma: “How long is the flight from Manila to Vancouver?” The person on the other line said: “Just a minute, ma’am…” Alma: “Wow, ang bilis lang pala!” (then puts the phone down).
The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all hid inside a sack each. The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said: “Arf! Arf!” The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said: “Meow! Meow!” The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap said: “Patatas! Patatas!”
Erap was singing: “Put your left feet in, then put your left feet out…” Jinggoy: “Dad, dapat foot.” Erap: “Ay oo nga, sori. Foot your left feet in, then foot your left feet out…”
OscarDelaHopia – Pacman: “Nars, gib me samting por my pain!” Nurse: “Okay sir, I’ll give you morphine” Pacman: “No, no! I want less pain, not more pain!”
Jinggoy: “Dad, anong spelling ng ‘success’, dobol S ba?” Erap: “Naku, ewan ko anak, tatluhin mo na, para sigurado!”
Nasusunog yung bahay ni Erap at Loi sa U.S.) Loi: “Tawagan mo yung emrgency number!” Erap: “Teka! Nahanap ko na yung 9, pero di ko mahanap yung 11!”
Erap: “Hindi maganda itong nabili mong sabon, ayaw bumula!” Loi: “Eh bakit naman kasi ayaw mong basain muna?” Erap: “Hello? Nakalagay nga ‘for dry skin’ only!”
Not a joke, but it sounds like one. I saw Alma Moreno being interviewed on TV. Host: “Ano naman ang specialty mo sa pagluluto?” Alma: “Mostly Chinese diseases…”
Erap: “Hon, na-carnap yung kotse natin!” Loi: “Nahabol mo?” Erap: “Hindi, pero nakuha Friend: “Pare, saan ka nanggaling?” Pepe Pimentel: “Sa libing ng biyenan ko.” Friend: “Eh bakit ang dami mong kalmot?” Pepe: “Lumaban eh…”
It’s one, in one.” Manny Pacquiao on the latest deadly virus (H1N1)
During a funeral) Erap: “Anak, bilis, lumabas tayo agad! Wag tayong paiiwan!” Jinggoy: “Bakit po?” Erap: “Ayan o, nakalagay, ‘REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED”.”
A woman comes up to Melanie Marquez and shouts: “Hey bitch!” Melanie shoots back: “Don’t you EVER call me HEY!”
“Noodle! Noodle!” Manny Pacquiao playing “Deal Or No Deal”.
Erap texts Jinggoy the following message: “Anak, naiwan mo cellphone mo dito sa bahay.”
“Hidden Soldiers!” Manny Pacquiaowhen he was asked what’s the world’s number one anti-dandruff shampoo.
Teacher: “What is the scientific name of the female sex organ?” Erap: “I know this…it’s at the tip of my tongue…”
“Toilet! Toilet!” Manny Pacquiao when asked which movie had Edward and Bella as the lead characters.
An exchange of texts between Erap and Loi) Erap: “Pa-pasaload naman ng 2 pesos, kasi last text ko na ‘to, may kailangan lang akong i-text.” (Loi sends 2 pesos) Erap: “Tnx!” Loi: “Wag mo na kong i-text!” Erap: “K!”
Jinggoy: “Dad, pasilip nga kung sira yung signal light.” (Erap puts his head out the window of the car) Erap: “Sira nga! Ay, ayos pala! Ay teka, sira nanaman! Ayan, ayos nanaman…”
Alma: “One burger please!” Waiter: “With pleasure, ma’am.” Alma: “No, with ketchup.”
Reporter: “Anong pasalubong mo kay Jinky?” Manny: “Ibon!” Reporter: “Ha? Anong klase?” Manny: “Mik-ap, lipstik, iba-ibang Ibon products!”
Alma: “Doc, si joey po laging sumisigaw pag nagka-climax siya!” Doc: “O, normal lang yun.” Alma: “Eh, nagigising po ako eh!”
Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng grass skirt si Mahal?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang sipa.”
Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng turtleneck si Bembol Roco?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang roll-on.”
Q: “Anong title nung children’s album na ginawa ng Goo Goo Dolls at ni Lady Gaga?” A: “Goo Goo Gaga.”
Jinggoy: “Dad, bakit ang barko lumulutang sa tubig pero ang karayom lumulubog?” Erap: “Duh! Yung karayom may butas!”
(Alma Moreno called Philippine Airlines) Alma: “How long is the flight from Manila to Vancouver?” The person on the other line said: “Just a minute, ma’am…” Alma: “Wow, ang bilis lang pala!” (then puts the phone down).
The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all hid inside a sack each. The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said: “Arf! Arf!” The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said: “Meow! Meow!” The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap said: “Patatas! Patatas!”
CHINESE DISEASES
TV Host interviewing ALMA MORENO....
TV. Host: “ ano specialty mo sa pagluluto?"
ALMA MORENO: Marami ako alam na luto, pero mostly alam ko Chinese DISEASES.
(moral of the story......)
TV. Host: “ ano specialty mo sa pagluluto?"
ALMA MORENO: Marami ako alam na luto, pero mostly alam ko Chinese DISEASES.
(moral of the story......)
Sunday, October 23, 2011
HAPPY CONDOLENCE
BIYUDA: Huwag muna tayong mag-sex Anton. Kamamatay lang ng mister ko. Nagluluksa pa ako.
ANTON: Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ko!. Bumili ako ng black condom! simulan na natin and let me offer my DEEPEST CONDOLENCES
ANTON: Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ko!. Bumili ako ng black condom! simulan na natin and let me offer my DEEPEST CONDOLENCES
Friday, October 21, 2011
HALF HALF
ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish.
> HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.
> JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.
> RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.
> JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.
> MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.
> AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon.
> GMA: half.
> HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.
> JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.
> RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.
> JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.
> MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.
> AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon.
> GMA: half.
MAGHANAP KA NALANG IBANG KAUSAP
REPORTER: Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless?
SEN. LITO LAPID: Marami ko plano paras sa kanila.. isa na diyan bigyan sila ng mga permanenteng tirahan..... kaso may problema.
REPORTER: Ano po yun?
SEN. LITO LAPID: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address.
SEN. LITO LAPID: Marami ko plano paras sa kanila.. isa na diyan bigyan sila ng mga permanenteng tirahan..... kaso may problema.
REPORTER: Ano po yun?
SEN. LITO LAPID: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address.
PAPADAIG BA ANG CONGRESS
Dahil sa idea ni Gov. Vilma Santos na maglagay ng signage ala Hollywood sa bulkang Taal..nagka idea din ang mga taga Congress na magpagawa din sila para sa kanila ng sarili nilang signage.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
BAWAL MANGOPYA
TEACHER: Okay class get ready at may exam kayo. Dahil sobrang dikit niyo sa katabi niyo madalas magkopyahan kayo. Wag kayo mag alala di ko babaguhin ang pagkakaupo niyo magkakatabi parin kayo. Start answering your test now....
ANG SINUNGALING AY KAPATID NG MAGNANAKAW
ibig pala sabihin marami silang magkakapatid dati sa AFP at nag iisa lang ang kanilang Ate.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
EXTRA RICE PA?
ayaw mo mag diet? lagi ka ba inaaway ni Mrs/ Mr dahil sobrang lakas mo sa kanin? wag ka mag alala sa isang extra rice lusot ang gusto mo mangyari. Extra rice pa? sure eto oh....
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
WOW ISA KANG PANG PINOY HENYO
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino
at Apolinario Mabini?
LITO LAPID: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!
at Apolinario Mabini?
LITO LAPID: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!
Monday, October 10, 2011
OO ALAM NAMIN!
OO alam naman namin gusto niyo ipahiwatig. Oo alam namin mga lalake na pag kami umihi minsan nababasa ang lapag. Pero kailangan pa ba talaga i drawing yan?
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
SEN.ENRILE SAYS MASTURBATION IS ABORTION! STUPIDITY AS STRATEGY ON RH BI...
Hayyy naku naman Senator Enrile ano na naman ba yan! So kung ganyan pala ang paniniwala mo that Masturbation is abortion...so pwede na pala nating tawagin ang loob ng banyo na SEMENTERYO
Monday, October 3, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
WRONG HOLE
Sabi nila daig ng maagap ang masipag. Pero minsan sa sobrang agap mo di mo narin nagagawang mag isip hahahahaha
MAS OKAY MA KURYENTE KESA MALUNOD
"Mga tol, may baha delikado baka malunod tayo. Dito tayo tumawid sa ibabaw ng kawad ng kuryente"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
